awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
