found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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