I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We had to coat check the pizza.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
