Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
