Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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