Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
