Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robitsâ€
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