What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
