people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
