apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Come share oat with me in your robe
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
