just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
