it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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