I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
