I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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