I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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