seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize