Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
