at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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