sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
