I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
