oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
