Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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