At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
