I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize