I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
