So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
