...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize
