That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
