Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
