I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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