I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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