My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
