Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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