OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
