Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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