Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I will be naked everywhere
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
