I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
