Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
