But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
