I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize