I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
