Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
