Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize