4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
