so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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