She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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