how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
