dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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