a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Small penises have feelings too.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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