i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
