Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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