Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
