In the future we'll all be gay
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
