i just wanna soil my oats bro
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This house was built for laser tag.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
