I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
