she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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