He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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