i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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