i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
