Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
