So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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