So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
