We won't sleep together?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
