He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
