The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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