I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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