you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
