you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
