At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
